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lynx212Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Verse: My OT3
Author:
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lynx212Chars/Pairs: Roy/Ed/Russell, OC
Genres: Action/Adventure/Romance/Oddity
Rating: R
Warnings: Nada
Word Count: 2,557
Summary: Roy finds himself in a most unusual situation and the more he discovers the less sense it seems to make... but no worries Ed and Russell will help him straighten it all out.
A get well gift for the lovely
luxquintessenceI’ve been here for hours staring Harcourt in the face, listening to him rant and I still don’t believe my ears. I knew the man had it in for me and my lovers, for some reason, but this… this is ridiculous. No, ridiculous doesn’t even begin to describe my situation. Sitting in a dank room of some building that time has forgotten having jasmine and cherry blossom tea with one of your workplace adversaries after he’s effectively kidnapped you is a little tough to verbalize.
Therefore, the word ridiculous can’t scratch the surface of the lunacy that is my current situation.
The tall redheaded man that is my would-be captor, looks at me with amused green eyes as he pours us both another cup of tea. After adding two lumps of sugar to my cup, that is how I like my tea after all, he smiles at me in a way that made him seem even crazier than today’s events have proven him to be. He offers me one of the finger sandwiches on the tray behind him and when I refuse he says, “Are you certain? They are rather delicious.” as he holds the tray out insistently. I shouldn’t be so hard on him; it would make him a poor host to have his captive go hungry now wouldn’t it?
“No thank you,” I reply trying not to sound as flabbergasted as I feel, “I had a heavy lunch.”
“Suit yourself but you’re going to be here a while.”
“Speaking of here,” I begin as I look around the room. The castle-like stone walls surrounding me are not comforting in the least. If not for the table and chairs we are sitting at it would be completely empty and feel every bit like the apparent dungeon he intends it to be. “Where are we?”
“Oh, don’t concern yourself with that. All will be revealed soon enough. This is only for the weekend you see, so don’t worry.”
How silly of me to want my freedom 24/7. What is 48 hours incarcerated with a nutcase anyway? How trifling of me to be concerned.
“Mind telling me why I’m here at the very least?”
“Not at all,” he said as he picked up another one of those sandwiches he obviously favors and began eating it. “I have tried on numerous occasions to convince the Führer that you are nothing but smooth talk and a pretty face. That him looking over how you have constantly bent the rules should not continue. You need to be removed from not only your high ranking position but the military altogether.”
Feeling cocky now that I know what part of his issue is I smirk at him and say, “Am I to assume that word of my upcoming promotion sparked this brilliant plan of yours?”
“No, I’ve been working on this plan for a while. That news only made me put it into action sooner.”
“So am I to assume that my accommodations would have been much more… charming if you hadn’t had to rush?”
“I wouldn’t mock me if I were you, Mustang. I have your precious gloves after all.”
“That you do and since you brought it up, why do you have them?”
“To make you helpless of course.”
“How silly of me. I should have known.”
“Laugh all you want but that is only the beginning. I have also taken care of those two blondes of yours so don’t think you’re going to be rescued before I have proven my point.”
“Which is?”
“That you are not the asset to the military that you would have everyone think you are.”
“And I suppose Ed and Russell are worthless as well?”
“The younger one most definitely so I merely left him alone. Elric, I detained and removed his right arm so he wouldn’t be showing up here trying to ruin my plans.”
I am a lot of things and observant is high on the checklist. Harcourt hadn’t come out and said it but apparently he considers Ed worth something even if he was stupid enough to think him “detained” simply because his arm was removed. There wasn’t a room in Amestris that could hold Edward Elric, arm or no arm, alchemy or not. If The Gate couldn’t hold him the three chances it got, what made this nutcase think some room he’d stuck Ed in could do so. I am curious as to how he managed to get his hands on Ed, he’s not exactly easy to capture.
“Might I ask how you managed to detain, Ed?”
“It was simple genius. He values you so I let him know I had you. Simple as that.”
“And he just let you walk away?”
“I didn’t do it in person, Mustang. I’m not that stupid.”
I arch an eyebrow at that statement. I beg to differ and I have a feeling the true heights of his stupidity have yet to be seen.
“I left a note where I knew he’d find it that said if he wanted to see you alive and well again he’d come to a certain address alone and unarmed.”
“Was that a pun?”
“So you caught that did you?”
“I did.”
“I guess you are little brighter than I gave you credit for.”
It takes everything I have not to sigh and roll my eyes. Elysia could have caught that pun, but I digress. I shouldn’t expect too much out of him considering this is the grand plan he’s been working on for some time. Who the hell kidnaps a person only to sit around drinking tea with them? This man is obviously unstable so I don’t think it would be wise of me to provoke him too much before I figure out what his issue is.
“Once he got there I flooded the area with knockout gas.”
“So Russell is just wandering free?”
“Yup left him at your home to wonder where the two of you were.”
“And if he figures it out?”
Harcourt snorted at that before letting out a hearty laugh, “So what if he does figure it out? What’s he going to do, run in here with some overgrown ragweed and aggravate my allergies? Last time I checked shrubbery and dandelions weren’t dangerous.”
If I wasn’t so looking forward to this blowing up in his face I’d try to inform him just how wrong he was. In lieu of that I take him up on his offer of a finger sandwich and wait. If I know my lovers like I think I do it won’t be too much longer before they show up.
As if on cue everything around us starts to shake violently. Harcourt’s nice jade tea set crashes to the floor right before a series of entwined tree roots and vines erupt from the floor and through the west wall. When the dust settles their stands Ed, arm still missing with a spear clasped firmly in his left hand. He has a nasty red mark that was sure to blossom into a bruise across his chest, his hair was everywhere giving him the appearance of a wild man and his eyes looked like molten gold with that sneer plastered across his face.
Ed’s eyes scan the room and when they fall on me his stance relaxes a little, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine Edo, right as rain.”
“Good,” Ed said before turning his attention to Harcourt who was still sprawled out on the floor. “I’d have never guessed you’d have been ballsy or ignorant enough to try something this stupid. I’m going to enjoy making you regret this.”
The fallen man scrambled to his feet and tried to make a break for it but he didn’t get ten steps before several vines wound around his ankles resulting in him falling face first at my feet. Russell finally steps in though the hole in the wall he created and asks, “Who the hell is this asshole?”
“Garland Harcourt,” I reply as I move to stand between my two lovers.
Looking over at Ed and seeing the absolutely disgusted look on his face I ask, “Do you have any idea what this guys issue is?”
“Unfortunately I do,” Ed replies as he walks over to Harcourt and motions for Russell to hoist the man in the air.
Looking him in eye Ed says, “If I had known you’d hold such a vicious grudge, Gary, I’d have taken you up on your offer that night. I had no idea sucking me off in an alley behind The Tavern was so important to you.”
Stunned I look over at Russell who looks as shocked as I feel.
“WHAT!?”
“Yeah,” Ed says as he points a thumb at the embarrassed man hanging by his heels. “Before I got with you guys this asshole was hitting on me pretty hard and when I didn’t respond to the flirting he flat out propositioned me one night as I was leaving The Tavern. Offered to roll my eyes back in my head right there in the alley but I told him I wasn’t into random public blowjobs and walked away. I didn’t really think he’d take it so hard.”
“Well at least this explains why he’s been on my case for the past year and bad mouthing me to The Brass.”
“I can’t believe he pulled a stunt like this,” Russell said as he shook his head. “Didn’t he realize we’d come after you?”
I smiled before I answered with, “Considering the fact that you were no danger and Ed was detained he thought he could keep me here. Plus he had my gloves so there’s no way I could have gotten free on my own.”
“Is that so,” Russell says as he presses a gloved hand to the roots holding Harcourt causing them to jostle the man. “He really is a nut job.”
“Part of me wants to turn you loose on him,” Ed says as we watch the helpless man sway to and fro.
“DO IT! DO IT! I would love a chance to prove my point!” Harcourt shouts gruffly but it’s hard for a man in his current position to sound menacing.
“I wouldn’t be so hasty if I were you Garland, but if you insist I’ll gladly watch.”
“What are you not saying, Elric?”
“So he’s not a complete lost cause after all,” Russell says as he moves to stand on the other side of Roy.
“I was alluding to the fact that I know it would be a short battle you would not win. You were so busy being a thorn in Roy’s side, getting on Russell nerves every chance you got and flirting with me that you missed something very important about our relationship.”
Ed holds out his hand to me and says, “One of your spare sets please.”
I reach inside my coat, pull out a glove and hand it to him. Harcourt’s expression was golden. I didn’t know a person’s eyes could get the wide without being choked. Today has been so interesting I almost hate to see it end.
Ed slips one glove on before handing the other to Russell and he does the same. They look at each other for a moment before snapping in unison and causing twin streams of fire to twist and wind around Harcourt. The flames are so close to him I know he has to feel the heat.
“You see we share more than just a bed,” Ed says as that shit eating grin he’s famous for claims his face.
“We share our knowledge and skills too,” Russell adds.
“So my question to you Mr. Harcourt,” Ed began as him and Russell called off the fireworks, “would be this… do you still want to fight him knowing that not only has your military trained him to be a solider but I have trained him to fight. I do believe you’ve seen me fight a time or two. Do you really want to go up against that?”
Harcourt looks from Ed, to me, to Russell then back to Ed so many times he had to be dizzy… especially hanging upside down like that.
“Come on grow a set and go for it,” Russell says in a goading manner. “I think Roy’s been dying to get in another real fight where he didn’t have to pull his punches. It’s been a while hasn’t it, Love?”
“Months,” I reply with a smile, my eyes never leaving Harcourt’s.
“So what’s it gonna be, Gary?” Ed asks. “Make up your mind quickly you’ve wasted enough of my time. I got shit to do, namely an arm to get replaced. You’re getting the bill for this by the way and I’ll warn you now, my automail mechanic is far from cheap.”
Harcourt doesn’t reply and we all take his lack of response as a concession and call it end game.
“So what do you two think we should do with him?” I ask, interested in their response.
“I say I turn him right side up and strap him to that wall over there,” Russell suggests and I have to admit I like the sound of it.
“Sounds like a winner to me,” Ed adds. “We can leave him here go straight to the Brass tell him what he’s done and where they can find their Major General. I’m sure this may cost you that star on your shoulder.”
“I hope it does,” Russell replies as he leers at the man. “I’m fighting the urge to horsewhip him with a few of these vines as it is. I can’t believe he kidnapped you and Ed. I should show him how big a mistake he made by letting me roam free.
“I think he’s learned his lesson,” I say to a seething Russell. “Harcourt looks thoroughly defeated to me. We won’t be having any more issues like this, right Garland?”
When he didn’t answer Ed picked up the spear once more and poked him in the chest with it.
“Fine, fine I’ll leave you be.”
“How very kind of you,” I say as I motion for Russell to go ahead and strap him to the wall.
Once he’s secure we trudge out of the building that was my “prison” for all of six hours. As we walk toward town Ed asks if we think we’ve seen the last of Harcourt.
“Some people are like a bad rash, Ed,” Russell replies. “No matter what you do you just can’t get rid of the damn thing.”
“Great analogy, Russ.”
“Truth is generally stranger and more amusing than fiction.”
Both Ed and I stop and give him a look. When a smirk slides across pale pink lips I know Harcourt has made an enemy for life.
“What did you do to him, Blondie?”
“Me, I did nothing, but I can’t say the same for that poison oak, sumac and those thistles I wrapped him in.”
Ed and I smile at that. Every good yin needs an appropriate yang. There would be no need for heroes if not for villains so Harcourt serves a purpose after all.
It will be most interesting to see what he comes up with next.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-27 05:21 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-28 02:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-27 09:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-28 02:33 am (UTC)it doesn't play fair
(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-27 06:23 pm (UTC)Thanks for this amusing diversion from reality ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-28 02:43 am (UTC)I hope this managed to bring a smile to your face my dear... I know I had a ton of fun writing this. My OT3 needed a good nemesis ^_^
(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-27 07:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-28 02:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-27 09:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-28 02:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-02 10:33 pm (UTC)I have to admit to a bit of kidnapping myself - purely for the tea drinking though :P
(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-03 02:29 am (UTC)I had too much fun writing this oddball fic!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-17 04:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-18 12:23 am (UTC)We have not seen the last of Harcourt by far and I'm ever so glad you enjoyed this and took the time to comment! ^_^
(I had way too much fun writing this)
icon love
(no subject)
Date: 2013-01-14 05:30 am (UTC)I can't wait for his next appearance.
(I don't think there is any shame in that. I would have too. ^_^)
Lots of icon love.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-01-16 07:19 pm (UTC)