Double Whammy: Insight
Mar. 11th, 2012 04:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lynx212Title: Double Whammy: Insight
Fandom: FMA
Pairing: Maes/Ed, past Roy/Ed
Words: 3,068
Genre: Romance/Drama/Angst
Rating: R
Warnings: None
Summary: Sometimes hindsight is painfully 20/20...
Beta: ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
vexed_wench
Dedicated to hikaru_9 who said “I admit, I'd like to know all the nasty things Roy said. I'm evil like that. XD” Well here you are my dear sorry it took me so long *hugs* I hope you enjoy it!
Previous Installments HERE
Ed never cried.
As he listened to the broken conversation, the fact Ed was crying over hurting him wasn’t lost on Roy either. Maes is mumbling something to Ed that Roy couldn’t make out but whatever it was only made Ed sob harder. This went on for minutes that felt hours until Ed suddenly shouted, “It’s not that simple!”
“It is even if it doesn’t feel like it. We both knew this was coming we just didn’t consider it coming about this way but we both knew it was coming.”
“I know but fuck this, Alan. I can’t even imagine how he felt walking in here and seeing… “
“I know and trust me I feel just as bad but we can’t undo it. All we can do is move on from this point.”
“Move on and do what exactly?”
“We’ve basically said all we could say to him the ball is in his court now. Perhaps a good night’s sleep will have him feeling more like himself and less angry and hurt.”
“He’d have to sleep for a month.”
“No despite his angry words we both know Roy well enough to know he spouts off like that when he’s upset.”
“Yeah I know this but it still… I... it just makes me wonder if there was some honesty in some of the things he said to me.”
Roy could hear footsteps and what sounded like a chair being moved.
“Don’t even consider that Ed. We both know even if he wasn’t what you were looking for in a relationship Roy adored you.”
“I’m not so sure on that, maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to ignore me.”
“Roy was wrapped up in his career plain and simple. His behavior stemmed from that.”
“But…”
“But nothing that’s the truth of the matter and… is that Roy’s bag over there?”
Ed didn’t reply but Maes did, “Shit I know he has no desire to look at either one of us right now. Let’s go to bed. I’ll sit this outside the bathroom door on the way.”
Hearing that had Roy easing back into the bathroom and softly shutting the door behind him. Soon after, he heard the bag sat down and once their footsteps faded down the hall and the sound of a door shutting reached his ears Roy opened the door. Grabbing his bag he pulled it into the room with him before turning on the shower and doing the one thing Roy had been fighting not to do since he arrived at the cabin. If Roy were honest with himself, he’d been fighting not to cry since Ed left him. It was so easy to immerse himself in work and just forget it all.
But now with all of this so brutally thrown in his face and the three of them essentially trapped together, there was nowhere to run and he could only hide in the bathroom for so long.
Once his body was clean and his emotions were spent Roy wandered out of the bathroom like a zombie. Out in the hall he saw the door to the first bedroom had been left open and the lamp on the nightstand was on. Taking that as the hint he knew it was Roy walked toward the room but not without staring down the hall at the closed door that separated him from two of the most important people in his life.
He loved them both, albeit in different ways and that thought was enough to stifle what little fight that was left in him.
This day had been too damn long and it was well past time for him to fall asleep and put an end to it.
* * *
The next morning found Roy not wanting to get out of bed. He knew he couldn’t hide all day but that’s exactly what he wanted to do. Then, to make matters worse, it was still raining which meant he wasn’t leaving anytime soon. He shuffled through his morning routine and followed the smell of coffee. He didn’t make it down two steps before the sound of laughter reached his ears. Ed’s chuckle was as distinct as it was addictive. He was one of those people if you heard him laughing you were soon laughing yourself because it was that infectious.
Roy found himself smiling despite his mood. Taking a couple of more steps down, he could see the two of them on the couch. Maes sitting up and Ed on his stomach partially draped over the other man’s lap with a notebook in one hand and a pencil in the other.
“I say they should go into the cave.”
“Why would they do that? That would be crazy!”
“I know but it’ll make an interesting story. Think about it, if this is you and Al and you saw a mysterious light going into that cave tell me honestly if you would follow or not?”
“Ok fine, fine we’re going in the cave,” Ed grumbled even as the smile on his face got broader.
He wrote for a while and Roy just stood there watching Maes as he sipped on his coffee and played with Ed’s hair. Ed on the other hand was writing as fast as his hand would allow him too. This went on for a few minutes and when Ed finally paused Maes asked him what he’d written thus far. As Roy listened to Ed read he had to admit it wasn’t bad. But that realization brought another one-
Were they writing a book together?
“I think just when they decide to turn around one of them should slip and fall,” Ed said as he thumped the pencil on his chin, “That way they have no choice but to explore the cavern further.”
“I like that idea, Love. If we wanted to throw a hard left at the readers we could make this incident how they find the portal.”
Ed rolled on his side then so he could look up at Maes, “Keep going, I like the sound of this.”
“Well if Al slips in there’s no way you’re not jumping in after him. If you oh say… make him slip over the edge and land in water. The splash would be a cue for your character, something for him to hear so he knew that chances were his brother didn’t fall to his death and…”
“…and we could make the water they fall in the actual portal!”
“Exactly.”
Ed went back to writing with a vengeance after that. Ed was always going on about wanting to write a book but Roy had never taken him seriously. He wasn’t the type to ever be still so Roy had taken it as just another passing fancy for the young alchemist. But apparently he was dead serious if what Roy had overheard was anything to go by. He was just about to make his presence known when Maes asked a question.
“Where did we leave off on the romance novel? Weren’t you writing on that one before we left Central?”
Ed sat up then and rifled through a pile of notebooks on the end table and that’s when Roy recognized a couple of them as notebooks Ed always had with him even when they were together. That sudden awareness made something twist in Roy’s gut. Ed had been writing at least one tale for quite a while and he hadn’t noticed, nonetheless read any of it.
“It’s three notebooks long now but they are all the same shade of brown if they ever get mixed up with the others.”
Tired of standing there Roy made a noisy decent and he noticed Ed retreated to one side of the couch leaving Maes on the other. They were both staring at him and it occurred to Roy that they probably had no idea what to say to him after the disaster that was yesterday. He certainly had no idea what to say to either one of them that’s for sure, so when Ed announced that that there was coffee in the kitchen he was relieved that the silence was broken and to have a reason to leave the room.
Even with the door shut he could still hear them when they spoke. Ed never could whisper, Roy thought as he dumped sugar in his coffee.
“So what are we doing, Alan?”
“I told you my thoughts on this last night, you just don’t agree.”
“I think trying to act like yesterday didn’t happen would be a disaster, plus with the way it’s raining we might be stuck here for a few more days if the lack of road out front was any indication this morning.”
“But opening this up for discussion was hard on you yesterday. I don’t want a repeat of that.”
“There’s nothing that can make this un-hard so I’ll just have to deal with it. Besides he has to have a dozen questions now that he’s slept on this… and maybe it won’t be so bad now that he’s not running on pure shock and anger.”
“Ever the optimist huh, Ed?”
“With my life I’ve had to be. If I had quit hoping it would get better I wouldn’t have had much to get out of bed for.”
“You know you’re a large part of the reason I didn’t give up when Gracia and Elysia left. You just let me be moody but when I had sulked enough you’d tell me it’s time to do something besides wallow… I don’t think I’ve ever been beaten at that many games before in my entire life.”
“Well when you spend five years constantly on the move you learn how to play a lot of things and you get a shitload of practice.”
Once they started laughing Roy decided he’d been in the kitchen long enough to brew a pot let alone fix a cup. When he stepped back through the swinging door the couple looked at each other and with nothing more than a nod on Ed’s part Maes got up and left the room.
Roy stood there looking at Ed until the younger man motioned for him to have a seat. Reluctantly, he sat on the end of the couch where Maes had been and tried to look relaxed.
He doubted it was convincing in the least, but he tried.
“You must have a hundred questions,” Ed offered up as he pulled his knees up to his chest.
As Roy nodded yes having lost his voice somewhere in between the kitchen and the couch he looked down at Ed’s feet and noticed his right foot was bandaged. Wondering what could have happened to him overnight Roy’s mind played back an image of a freshly showered, barefoot Ed standing at the top of the stairs shortly before he ended up chasing Roy outside.
“You shouldn’t have come outside barefoot. How bad is it?”
“I’ve had worse, don’t worry about it.”
Roy snorted and thought there were probably a scarce few injuries that were a big deal when you lose two limbs at the age of eleven. A scratch on the foot when you’re twenty-three would be nothing indeed.
Silence stretched between them again until Ed said, “I have no idea what to say to you outside of offering up apologies you can’t accept right now so the floor is yours. Ask whatever you want to.”
Ed’s humility actually had the opposite effect on Roy as his mind composed a list of questions that were probably way more personal than Ed ever thought he would ask but he was going to ask them anyway.
“Have you slept with him?”
“What the hell kind of question is that?”
“One I want an answer to,” Roy replied, convinced Maes had been feeding him bullshit yesterday.
“Are you sure you want an answer to that? I don’t think…”
“Either answer or don’t Ed. Have you slept with him?”
“Yes, but…”
“Then he lied to me! He said…”
“Calm down Roy. I’m going to tell you right now if you don’t let me finish my answers we might as well quit talking.”
“But…”
“Are you going to let me finish?”
“Fine, finish but it was a yes or no question.”
“Not exactly, Roy. If you had asked me yesterday I would have said no.”
Roy was confused for a moment then it dawned on him and with wide eyes he looked at Ed. Even with the blond holding his features as impassive as he could the total flush ruling his face spoke volumes.
“You… last night?”
Ed nodded and looked out the window behind the couch. Roy had no idea how to feel about that and wished he hadn’t asked. To know he was just down the hall from them when they consummated their relationship for the first time had him feeling all twisted up inside. Part of him felt like he had intruded in some way, while another part of him wanted to shout, how dare they!
Roy took some weird middle ground between the two.
“How could you… I mean why last night of all nights, with… with me here?”
“Well let me start off by saying I didn’t think it would come up in conversation,” Ed snapped as he shot Roy a dirty look, “of all questions I thought you would ask that wasn’t one of them. Besides it’s not like you haven’t made it clear exactly what kind of person I am in your eyes so what difference does it make to you?”
Ouch, that stung. Roy had almost forgotten the nasty things he had said to Ed out on the deck shortly after he had arrived at the cabin.
“How dare you try and tell me what’s important! Were you or were you not in love with him while you were with me?”
“Yes, yes I was.”
“I can’t fucking believe this!”
“Roy…”
“Don’t Roy me you lying son of a bitch! For years you told me you loved me and now this!”
“Roy, please…”
“Save it Ed, just fucking save it! There was always that rumor that would never die, that at your age and with that pretty face you’d probably sucked and fucked your way to owning your watch now I’m wondering.”
Ed’s face fell and he was left speechless. He was standing there in shock when Maes opened the door.
“I always thought you were too sweet for that. But there’s nothing that says a cock sucking whore can’t have the face of an angel is there?”
Those words were hard for Roy to even think of. He knew there was a damn good reason why he never spoke when he was truly angry, why he always walked away until his rationale came back - this was a prime example of that reason.
“Ed I… I know I can’t take back what I said but please know even though the anger and hurt were real that those words were not, I didn’t mean any of that.”
Ed just shrugged and Roy decided rather quickly he wouldn’t be asking anything that intimate for the remainder of the conversation.
“Also, as the youngest person here I feel I can say we all know the other reason why it happened last night. Hurt and comfort go hand in hand, if you can think of a better release, comfort and distraction from the catastrophe that yesterday was I’ll eat my left boot.”
Roy couldn’t argue with that. That was one of his favorite ways to end a shitty day and he couldn’t think of one time Ed wasn’t right there beside him, under him or wherever when they were an item. Nothing like someone reminding you you’re worth a damn when the world goes out of its way to spit in your face.
“Go on Roy, I know there’s more in there, let’s get this all out and as done with it as it can be.”
“What’s with the Alan? No one uses his middle name, hell I doubt more than a handful of people know it.”
“Just kinda happened,” Ed said with a shrug of his shoulders.
Roy arched an eyebrow at him.
“It wasn’t anything special. I caught him cheating at cards one night and called him by his full name, things went from there.”
“Ok I’ll get the popcorn while you decide what cards to get rid of.”
Ed walked into the kitchen but stuck his head back into the living room to ask a question and incidentally caught Maes red-handed.
“Maes Alan Hughes did I just catch you cheating?”
“Looks that way and it’s about time, I’ve been doing it all night,” Maes said as he started laughing.
The look on Ed’s face was priceless and since he was still in shock he asked the blond a question, “How did you know my middle name?”
Ed smirked at him and replied with, “A fine genius I’d be if I didn’t. It’s my job to know everything. Comes along with the title.”
Roy could tell Ed was remembering something in that overactive mind of his so he used the opportunity to think for a moment. Knocking back the rest of his coffee like it was a shot of gin he asked, “Did you ever cheat on me in any way before you broke it off?”
Ed took a deep breath and sighed, “No, not unless you count one kiss as cheating.”
“When did that happen?”
“A week before I broke it off with you.”
“A week?”
“Yeah a week.”
“Why did it… I’m confused.”
“Fuck Roy we’d been together for a long time and even though we were having problems doesn’t mean you make a decision like that in an instant.”
Part of him was glad to hear that even as another part wondered what sealed the deal. Deciding he had little left to lose Roy asked.
Ed gave him an incredulous look that had Roy fighting not to squirm in his seat. He was getting the unmistakable feeling he should know the answer to that question even though he couldn’t think of doing anything during that time that would have put the nail in the coffin so to speak.
“Are… are you seriously asking me this?”
Even though every instinct he had told Roy to drop it, he ignored that sensation and pressed forward.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-11 09:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-14 09:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-12 01:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-14 09:56 pm (UTC)Thank you my dear. Sorry the Alan thing creeps you out *hugs you more* This series is going to go into a lot before it is over. It's far from over for any of them and more to come on how Roy and Ed fell apart...
I see your chibi Ed icon and raise you and a chibi Roy icon(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-16 03:03 am (UTC)This isn't Maes in this fic! :D
No seriously! Alan is in this fic, not Maes. All this time I've been trying to make Alan here fit into the mold of Maes I have in my head and, of course, he won't fit! Maes would never betray his best friend's trust, play both ends against the middle, AND fuck over his best friend while fucking said best friend's all too recent ex-lover but Alan would! Alan is like Maes' evil twin. By going by the name of Alan, Maes is free to do all the sleazy things he wants and not have to live up to the lofty expectations one has of Maes. Maes is the tried and true one, the steadfast constant, the very epitome of what a family man, a good honest man in general, should be. He's the guy you can rely on no matter what. Alan, well, let's just say he's none of those things.
The phrase "dog in heat" comes to mind but let's not go there.I feel bad for Roy that he's lost his best friend in more ways than one. :( Roy lost their friendship when Maes broke his trust and then he loses who Maes even is when Alan showed up. sad. I know that no one is supposed to be blameless in this fic but if blame is to be handed out, IMO, Alan deserves his fair share and then some.
Snags your angsty chibi Roy icon to cuddle and comfort! ^_^(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-17 12:00 am (UTC)You are actually not that far off from the reason I decided to have Ed call Maes by his middle name my dear.
With Maes and Gracia having been some what parental figures to the Elric's I could see Ed referring to him by his never used (because it's not commonly known) middle name offering a certain amount of "distance or separation" for Ed. It's like how an Ex goes from being Joe/Joey to Joseph or Crissy becomes Christine.
Each one of the three in this story has had several "demons" to face that lead them to this point. More of that gets highlighted as the story moves on. Sometimes in some situations everyone has done such a fair share of "wrong/fucking up" that you can't really point a finger and IT WAS HIS/HER fault.... and that is what you have going on here....
I love how much emotion you this has you feeling. *hugs on you and your support of my fics... gives you Roy chibi to cuddle with again*
(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-12 06:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-14 10:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-13 12:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-14 10:03 pm (UTC)I love to hear how everyone is reacting to this because I always worry about my writing being flat.
*pushes you toward Roy so you can hug him*
(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-13 02:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-14 10:06 pm (UTC)Sorry it took me forever to update. I debated forever about if I should or should write out the Maes/Ed night...
*icon WIN*
(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-14 01:23 pm (UTC)I am really angry with Roy though, for saying Ed was a whore.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-03-14 10:09 pm (UTC)I am trying my hand at getting more emotion in my writing and it seems I'm on the right track. I like how this series has gotten a multitude of reactions out of you guys. *hugs you more*
Roy's tongue in this verse can be vicious as you see...
Thoughts on the equivalent exchange of agony
Date: 2012-03-14 07:11 pm (UTC)Lynx, you did an *amazing* job with this story-- what I'm posting is in no way a criticism of anything you wrote. This universe is so real. So raw. The storyline has been haunting me for days and hopefully posting some of my thoughts will help me get it out of my head.
There is so much sympathy for poor Hughes. Due to his choices around his career, his wife and child are gone from his life now. I get it. But why is his agony more important that another's?
* Why shouldn't Roy deserve a similar amount of respect for his pain ? Is it about the fact that he was only in a relationship for 3 years? Or because they were not married? What makes it different?
* How would Hughes react to someone dating his wife? Or kissing his wife a week before they parted? I could see him quite literally trying to kill someone who made love to his wife while he was sleeping next door.
Re: Thoughts on the equivalent exchange of agony
Date: 2012-03-14 10:16 pm (UTC)The joy I feel at getting so much emotion and reaction out of you guys that are reading this is more awesome than you could ever know *hugs on you*
I am trying to keep the agony/sympathy/anger balanced as far as the three of them go but in order to do that as the story is told it has to tilt and lean at times.
Roy does indeed deserve respect for his pain and I hope that will be shown as things move on. But there is so much more to tell and in the next part you will see how Ed and Roy fell apart. You have read commentary from Ed hinting at things being less than perfect...
Thanks again for reading and leaving such an in depth review.
And yes I am sure Maes would go ape shit but we will get to that...
Re: Thoughts on the equivalent exchange of agony
Date: 2012-03-14 10:43 pm (UTC)I don't know why this plot grips me so, but it does.
Funny thing is, I believe that you described exactly how it would go down-- even the newly-minted maturing reserve on Ed's part. Something created that within him, and I know that it will interesting to discover.
I will always enjoy, adore and support your work and everything you do. Heck, if you were in Boston, I'd give you fifty bucks**, and a place to stay.
----
* This inspires me to tell a funny true life story later. I have to dig the file up and post it.
** I think that is the going rate for a bottle of water around here...
Re: Thoughts on the equivalent exchange of agony
Date: 2012-03-17 12:03 am (UTC)This has been a roller coaster to write and I hope I mange to pull it off until the end.
I will spare no detail when describing the events that lead up to them clashing at the cabin. It was one helluva rocky road.
must be some damn good make you piss oil kind of water... lol I can't wait to hear this story...(no subject)
Date: 2012-05-25 07:06 am (UTC)Until last night when I picked it up from my bedside table and read it through getting to the end and thinking 'is there a page missing? Surely she wouldn't be that cruel...'
That is an evil place to leave that Lynx, there is more coming soon though right? Right??? :P
Love this just as much as I love all your stuff <3333
(no subject)
Date: 2012-05-26 01:08 am (UTC)Yes I am evil and I love you and I love that you love my stuff *luffs on you*
I see your Maes Roy icon and raise you a Maes Roy icon...
(no subject)
Date: 2012-05-26 01:17 am (UTC)You are the best kind of evil, but there is going to be more of this soon right? Right?? ;)
I would do this small but I can't remember how >.> I see your Roy Maes icon and raise you a Roy Maes Havoc Ed icon :PLoves on you too <3333
(no subject)
Date: 2012-05-26 01:34 am (UTC)small is done < small >
sees your awesome orgy inspiring icon that is still on my burner btw and raises you a Maes/Roy smexy icon since I don't have a 4some icon..
(no subject)
Date: 2012-05-26 07:13 pm (UTC)Sees your hot Maes Roy and raises you a Roy Ed Havoc icon (mostly because I've run out of Maes icons :P
Saw this and thought of this story
Date: 2013-04-10 09:35 pm (UTC)Which of course made me think of this story. I feel invested on a personal level and crave resolution. I have seldom encountered fiction has this profound of an effect on me.
Re: Saw this and thought of this story
Date: 2013-04-11 10:25 pm (UTC)I think this might have prompted my muse to make a move on this *hugs you so hard*