Double Whammy: Anguish

[lynx212]

Title: Double Whammy: Anguish
Fandom: FMA
Pairing: Maes/Ed,    past Roy/Ed
Words: 2,059
Genre: Romance/Drama/Angst/Smut
Rating: M
Warnings: None
Summary: The situation has gone from bad to worse and fates just getting warmed up with these three...

“Considering he hasn’t been single a year, you do realize you could be nothing more than the rebound relationship.”

“I realize that.”

“And you’re ok with this? How desperate are you, Ed? You would play backup boy…”

Ed sighed and turned his back on Roy, “This is going nowhere. I’ve let you have your say, ask your questions and yell. But I’m not going to stand out here in the fucking rain any longer if all you’re gonna to do is take cheap shots at me.”

Without another word Ed went inside. The moment Maes set eyes on him he was up and across the room. Roy stood out in the rain watching the two interact and it only served to make him angrier. The way Maes stroked Ed’s face and the way Ed leaned into that touch had him storming back into the cabin ready to vent more of his frustration.

When Ed heard the door slam he flinched and sorrowful eyes looked up at Maes, “I don’t think I can take much more of this right now.”

“I’ll handle him from here, Love. Go dry off and change clothes,” Maes began but when he met with furious dark eyes over Ed’s shoulder he added, “actually why don’t you take a hot shower to warm up. The automail ports have to be aching by now.”

Ed nodded and when Maes kissed him on his forehead he heard Roy let out a sound that was nearly a growl. As Ed left the room the two older men faced off. The tension hanging between them was heavy enough to choke on. Neither one of them wanted to be the first to speak but one of them had to do it.

Maes decided it may as well be him, “Why don’t you go change Roy, I know you hate being soaked.”

“Quit acting like you give a damn, Maes,” Roy snapped as he shrugged out of his jacket and tossed the sopping wet material on the floor, “or should I call you, Alan?”

“Don’t go there, Roy. I never expected you to be okay with this. I had hoped for it, but didn’t expect it. However, just because you want to walk away from me as your friend don’t assume I want to do the same.”

“If you valued our friendship you wouldn’t have done this.”

“So you think us denying how we felt would have changed the reality of the situation?”

Roy didn’t answer instead he asked a question of his own, “Are you trying to tell me in such a short time after all those years with Gracia you suddenly love Ed? I’m not buying that.”

“You don’t have to Roy. This is between me and him and we’ve tried our best to keep you out of it as much as possible considering your ties to both of us.” 

Roy snorted and continued to stare Maes down.

“You know it’s a little selfish of you to think this was all done to hurt you. I’m sorry you’re hurting right now but there are two other people involved in this.”

“I don’t think it was done to hurt me, it just seems like it was done without caring if it did.”

“Think what you want Roy but that’s not the case. If anything knowing no matter when this came out, that you would be hurt has been hard on both of us. You’ve been in the role of my best friend and little brother so long doing something… anything that would hurt you is harder than you know.”

“I see you managed to get over that.”

“Don’t be so certain you know everything Roy. Despite what you walked in on there are more reasons as to why we are here.”

“If you try to tell me you actually came to go fishing I may choke you right now.”

“No fishing, you know as well as I do, Ed hates to fish. We came out here for several reasons the main one was to spend some time together away from everyone and everything in an environment where we didn’t have to be so careful of our actions and reactions. The other reason was to discuss what’s happening between us. ”

“There didn’t seem to be a whole lot of talking going on when I got here.”

“This may be hard for you to believe, but that’s as far as things have ever gone between us. That fact is the main reason why your less than flattering commentary earlier rubbed me the wrong way. I know you were mad but some of what you said was pretty damn harsh Roy. You know how much easier it would have been on some level for him to just stay with you since what we have has to remain secret anyway? But neither one of us wanted to do that to you, you deserved better than that.”

“I deserve better than my best friend making time with my recent ex too.”

“If we called it off right now would it make you happy, Roy? Would it change anything?”

Roy refused to answer that because the only answer he could give would make him sound like the narrow-minded person Ed had called him outside, “No I want things to go back to the way they were three months ago, that’s what I want.”

Maes opened his mouth to answer only to have a voice to his left beat him to it, “Three months ago I was contemplating pulling whatever strings I had to in order to transfer to East City. It was there or become part of that mission group going to Xing,” both men looked up at the top of the staircase at Ed. “I admit it, for once in my life I didn’t want to face my problems head on, I wanted to run away.  I was tired of feeling guilty, I was tired of feeling torn, but most of all I was tired of the hurt.”

“Tired of the hurt you say,” Roy snorted, “so does spreading it around make you feel better?”

“No, it doesn’t, and despite the good times we did have Roy I would go back and change the decision I made to date you if I could.”

Roy was angry but those words reminded him just how badly he was hurting too and with one statement Ed had just made it all infinitely worse. To hear the person you once loved… still loved would toss away the three years you held near and dear was almost enough to be his undoing. He wanted to continue yelling, screaming and pointing fingers but he couldn’t. It was all he could do to keep from crying like a brokenhearted schoolboy.

Lips pressed together in a firm line, fists clenched at his sides Roy turned on his heels and marched through the kitchen and back outside.

“Roy wait I didn’t mean…”

The door slamming had Ed cursing under his breath as he followed his distraught ex lover outside. Maes didn’t even try to stop him because he knew him too well; it would have been a pointless endeavor.

Barefoot and almost instantly soaked in the monsoon the earlier rain shower had turned into, Ed was disappointed to see that Roy hadn’t stayed on the deck but was instead blindly walking out into the storm away from the cabin. The wind was whipping the rain around so hard it almost felt like needles but that and the fact he’d just gotten warm and dry didn’t deter Ed from dashing back out into the elements.

Running to catch up with the man, Ed knew he would be picking sand and pebbles out of his automail foot for a week. It didn’t take him long to catch up to Roy and when he did the emotional roller coaster began again in earnest.“I’ve thought you a lot of things Ed, but cruel was never one of them.

I didn’t mean that how you took it, Roy,” Ed said as he tried to keep his loose hair out of his face, “I meant that if I could go back and change that decision, I would just to spare you the pain you’re in now.”

Roy looked into Ed’s eyes and as much as he wanted to shout things to the contrary he could see Ed meant what he said. While that was all well and good, it didn’t change the fact that Roy’s heart was still breaking. He’d wanted the person in front him probably longer than it’s been appropriate for him to entertain such notions. Then to have had him in that capacity only to lose him was something Roy wasn’t dealing with well at all.

“Was I stupid for thinking you could ever love me?”

Ed wanted to scream, this is why it would have been so much easier to go to Xing and hide forever, “No Roy, but this was exactly why I was so hesitant to date you in the beginning. I didn’t want things to end up like this but on the other hand I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life pining after someone I couldn’t have,” Ed replied through chattering teeth as he fought to keep from shivering in the downpour, “Looking at you right now tells me there’s no way the good times we had will ever outweigh the pain you’re in at this moment. When you think of me now, this is what will come to mind and I fucking hate myself for it.”    

With that they were at a stalemate. What could be said? Roy wouldn’t have denied the amount of pain he was in even if he could have given the lie voice. He knew he was still partially in shock but he also knew there was a damn good chance he would never be able to get past this in any way that would allow him to even be on remotely good terms with either man.

“Please come back inside Roy. With the way it’s raining I’m sure this entire valley is flooded. I know you probably want to leave, but I don’t think anyone’s getting out of here today.”

Roy looked around him and sure enough Ed was right, water was flowing from and rising everywhere. With one last look into Ed’s eyes Roy made his back ramrod straight and marched toward the cabin. He didn’t even look at Maes as he stomped his way to the stairs.

Once Hughes heard the bath room door close he turned thinking he would find Ed but he didn’t. Making his way to the kitchen door he opened it to find Ed standing on the other side looking like shit in more ways than one. He was shivering so hard it looked painful and even though he was standing in the rain Maes could tell he was crying.

When their eyes met whatever resolve Ed had to keep the show of emotion in check faded.  His shoulders began to shake and he cried openly in front of Maes in a way he hasn’t since Nina was killed all those years ago.

Maes pulled him inside and held him in his arms. He ran his hand through soaked blond tresses as he damned fate for always playing these kinds of cruel games with Ed. For as long as he’d know him, even when he tried to do something right it turned out terribly wrong and this was no exception. If anything, this was a glaring example of how twisted Ed’s life was.

“I… I didn’t mean to cause all of this. I swear I didn’t… didn’t mean to,” Ed sobbed into his shoulder.

“I know you didn’t Ed, I know,” Maes offered in comfort.

“He’s hurting so badly he... he can’t do anything but be angry. I’ve ruined things between the two of you and…”

“Shhh, don’t think about it anymore right now, you did the only thing you could do and that was be honest with him.”

Roy had left the bathroom when he realized he hadn’t grabbed his bag. He hadn’t been looking forward to facing them again so soon but he didn’t have much choice. However, the instant he heard Ed crying he froze in mid step.