I feel your pain. Cigarettes are like my number one vice. I can't lie, I'm smoking again. You know how it is. You hate not doing it. Then you hate yourself for doing it. Its a genuine love hate relationship. Very little love. Lots and lots of hate. in a sick way that's why it feels so good, to me, to smoke when I am antagonized. But it's really bullshit you know. Its just this idea people have, a misdirected idea, about stress management. Somehow its like smoking takes us to another place for a minute, and we can feel some sense of relief. Its just imagination. Our heads fucking with us. Or maybe like biological spell. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sucks.